I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
