He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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