Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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