I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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