We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize