im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
