If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
