oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
