maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
