i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
