why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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