I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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