Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize