Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
