I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
