I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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