I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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