I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I would ride that face into the sunset
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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