oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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