I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
