Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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