im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
