He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
and you fell through a lawn chair
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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