im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I can't put those talents on a resume
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
