I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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