piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
