the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
