Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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