I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
