i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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