dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
