My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
