Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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