So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize