He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
