I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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