Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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