Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
