So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
