he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
