Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
