she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize