I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
