Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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