my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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