Michael Bay diarrhea
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
