I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
