i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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