just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Alive.
So much puke
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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