Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
