you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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