So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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