can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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