Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
