you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have aggressive nipples.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
