The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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