so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
