thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize