i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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