Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
