I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
