We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
