fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
