im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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