i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
