Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Vodka?
Forever.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
